What Dance Has Done for Me, and What It Can Do For You.
The Journey to becoming Confident, Comfortable, and Empowered.
Warning: This is not your typical love story.
Once Upon a Time…
There was a little girl. She was 2 years old and she had a powerful spark in her. A twinkle in her eye. The kind of twinkle that could only mean one thing: Love.
My mom told me I was a dancer before I could walk. According to her, I walked around the house on my tippy-toes like a ballerina as soon as I could balance.
I imitated the dances and songs from Barney, Sesame Street, and - you guessed it - Disney movies. I grew up in the 90’s, so I was all about the Disney Renaissance.
“You copied everything exactly as it was in the movies,” Mom said. So what did she do?
She searched for studios in the area and put me in my first dance class. In many ways, dance was not my choice. It was like a song I had in my heart since birth.
I have my Mother to thank for forcing me to sing it. Thanks, Mom.
I recently asked her what she remembers about that day. She said “You never wanted to leave. You didn't cry like the other girls. You were just so happy to be there. That's what I wanted you to do - have an experience.”
My Mom wanted me to experience all the beautiful things life offers. Well, that experience ended up introducing me to my first true love.
To this day, I feel it in my bones. I was always meant to dance. I was always meant to tell a story through movement.
I couldn’t help it. I hopelessly fell in love with Dance. My best friend. My confidant. It pushed me to grow. It pushed me to learn. But most importantly, it made me the woman I am today.
Dance made me comfortable in my own skin. It gave me the tools to navigate through life. It taught me teamwork, balance of all kinds, discipline, and how to listen to my body.
It taught me how to listen to the world around me. Ours is a relationship that challenges me but never leaves my side. It empowers me.
Because of dancing,
I have the tools to make my dreams come true. Here's how dance shaped my life and how it continues to shape it. Here is my love story.
Confidence in Myself
There are many physical benefits of dance.
It’s a great, fun way to exercise.
It tones.
It strengthens your muscles.
Increases flexibility.
Plus it’s a much more engaging way to lose weight than going to the gym.
But there are so many mental and emotional benefits of dance as well.
It connects you to your self-awareness.
Builds social connections and teamwork.
Encourages confidence.
Empowers self-esteem.
It’s a productive outlet to express yourself and work through emotions.
What attracts me is the art of it. Dance is an art form, and art expresses human emotions. It tells a story. If there’s one other thing I love, it’s a story.
Let’s start at the beginning.
I was the smallest kid in class. Picture a little peanut bouncing around with a head of short curly hair. I was born premature, so I was a little behind on the growing thing.
Even though I was small, I was tough. I made it my mission to learn everything I could and do it well. Not just well - perfectly. Bit of a perfectionist here.
Acrobatics was the first class I took. We’re talking about the year 1995. Even back then, we all wanted to do the splits!
I tumbled and cartwheeled circles around the classroom. Here’s a blurry picture to prove it:
(Look at that old dance unitartd!)
Yes, I was that kid you see in videos leading the entire dance on stage at the recital. I even bossed my classmates around telling them they were wrong and how to do the step we were supposed to be on. Oy.
Little Miss Bossy Pants actually didn’t know how good she was yet. I just wanted to dance and have fun.
Being bossy was fun for me when I was a child, and I needed everything to be right, but that’s another story.
That know-it-all bossy attitude went away when I focused on myself. When I got older, focusing on myself also meant focusing on my size.
Even though I skipped a grade in dance school, I could not get this fact out of my head: I was the fat girl in class.
I still danced circles around the classroom. I was also the youngest because of the grade skipping.
You add puberty to the mix, and boy, you get a whole lot of insecurity drowning you out.
What did you do, Amanda? How did you overcome this? Isn’t this part of the story supposed to be about confidence?
I had an amazing teacher. She saw the love I had for dance from the moment I stepped into the studio as a toddler. She saw the spark in me. The twinkle in my eye.
She used me in class as an example. Not the bad example. The what-you’re-supposed-to-do example.
There I was — pre-teen poster child for posture, technique, and showmanship. The plump and young one.
This poster child tactic she used switched something in me. I went from a timid dough boy of insecurity to a confident plump ball who didn’t care what other people thought.
With small nuanced pushes, my dance teacher made the spark in me bigger each day. The twinkle grew into beams shooting out of my eyes.
Comfort in my Body
So, step one on my journey to becoming the woman I am today was complete. Because of my dance teacher’s encouragement through the beauty of the art, I learned what self-worth was.
I learned I was worthy of this dance world…
and I wasn’t going to stop.
Even though I found my self-confidence, there was still the looming presence of my waist size. As I became a teenager, the number of pounds I packed increased drastically.
Eventually, my greatest fear came true. I wasn't allowed to wear t-shirts over my leotard anymore.
I started to go to class feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Like I didn't belong in the dance studio. That studio t-shirt was my armor, and it was just ripped away from me.
I was left vulnerable in an adult XXL leotard and tights, which were hard to find back then. The stores didn’t carry much plus-size dance wear because the brands didn’t make many of those sizes.
I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I wanted to rip the skin off my bones. I wanted my soul to live in a completely different home. My skin and my body weren’t going to cut it.
Then each year came the day I feared the most: Doom Day. That’s what I called Costume Measurement Day.
There I was on display again. Getting measured for our end-of-the-year recital costumes.
Only this time the numbers were not keeping me on the beat. They were not helping me this time. They were laughing at me. In my face. And laughing with everyone else.
My XXL costume size confirmed my suspicions. The measuring tape whispered “You aren’t good enough to be a dancer. You are big and ugly and don’t belong in this world.”
I believed that little evil whisper. I was not meant for this world of talented, tall, skinny, and beautiful creatures. Self-doubt kicked in and it kicked hard.
I viewed myself as the pathetic outsider who tries to make it in her dream world but the world destroys her. It proves she was never supposed to be there in the first place.
Then I heard the magical chime. “5, 6, 7, 8” came out from across the room. The music snapped me out of my head and back to the present.
It was time to dance and something miraculous happened.
When I prepared for the first combination of the dance routine, the dark mocking world went away. All that was left was me, the music, and the story I was trained to tell.
It pushed me to let my insecurities go. The mirror told a new tale when I danced. It said “You are so much more than the size of your body. Look.”
I looked. Did you know what I saw?
I saw a girl who picked herself back up when she was down.
I saw a girl who had a spark in her. A twinkle in her eye.
I saw a girl in love with being in love with the way Dance made her feel.
The hatred for my skin and waist size faded as I went over these facts again:
You are the youngest in the class. That means you are more than good enough to be here.
You are the fat girl in class. Embrace it. Be the one who paves the way for big dreamers like you. You are worthy of this world.
Dance turned into something bigger than myself. It held my hand and we moved through the rough patches together. It never left me. It danced with me, never leaving my side. We were in love with each other.
Our love story became something powerful.
Empowerment for Life
When I dance, I feel like I’m floating between clouds. I have an out-of-body experience, yet nothing grounds me more.
My muscles stretch and cramp, yet it feels like I don’t have legs. Like I’m bouncing from one big squishy hill to another.
Because of Dance’s uplifting and grounding qualities, I learned how to balance. Not only physically, but mentally.
Dance taught me a lesson early on. Life is hard, but it has beautifully soft moments. It pushes and pulls. It lifts and drops. It’s a beautiful mess.
The takeaway is that everything moves all the time. What is another word for that? Change.
Choreography changes from one step to the next. Steps change from one count to the next.
Dance is about
working through change with acceptance and the willingness to keep moving. LIke Life.
This is the most important thing that dance has done for me, and what it can do for you.
With acceptance, comes balance and flow.
Here’s something to keep in mind: to get to this point, you need to be willing to believe in yourself and put in the work.
My teachers believed in me. That was all I needed to start believing in myself. And when I believe in myself, I am my best self. I make my dreams come true. I am free.
Let it go, to let it flow. Through the movement of dance, I let go of those negative self-hating thoughts and went with the flow of life.
Now it's my turn to share what I've learned. To live for something greater than myself.
That’s why I started teaching. It’s my way of sharing the endless possibilities that dance can manifest. The endless possibilities that Dance can spark in you.
It is my hope to inspire others by what my teachers and dance did to inspire me. That’s why I wrote Bella the Buck-Toothed Ballerina.
This all started when I was a little girl. I want to tell children they are beautiful no matter what anyone tells them.
I feel this is part of what I was meant to do in my short time here on earth. To amplify that message.
My message is not only for the little ones. You can do whatever you dream. Because if you dream it, you can do it.
I want to hear about your dreams. If you found this blog post resonated with you in any way, I want to hear about it. Shoot me your story in the link below.
https://www.amandamontoni.com/contact-me-amanda-montoni
Hope to hear from you soon. Let it go to let it flow.
Sources:
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/dance-health-benefits
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-benefits-of-dance